Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
