Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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