if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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