Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
