shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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