I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
