I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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