You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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