My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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