I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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