I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
