I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
