Buhtt sex?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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