today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
