I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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