her vagina looked like bernie madoff
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
