He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
