i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
