i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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