I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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