This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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