i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Who died my cat blue again?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
