Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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