she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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