drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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