I can text with my tongue
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
