The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
