you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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