Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
