I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
