Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
