I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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