I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
