just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
