Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
