is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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