you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
