I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
false alarm. still invincible.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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