obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
