my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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