It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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