remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
