Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.