my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.