She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.