I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me