She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
