Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
