are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You're earring is so big in my mouth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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