So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
