Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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