she woke up with a sticky ear
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
