Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
