Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
