hell yes lets make some ravioli
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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