The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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