they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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