I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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