You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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